


The Codpiece of Doom

by Sue Corkill (mscorkill)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-20
Updated: 2012-05-20
Packaged: 2017-11-05 17:36:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/409165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mscorkill/pseuds/Sue%20Corkill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Janet discuss the physical attributes of the 'Super Soldier'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Codpiece of Doom

**Author's Note:**

> Something totally silly. This is what happens when you chat and watch Stargate at the same time. Denise gets credit for the title. For Denise and Andrew.
> 
> Originally posted March 2004.

THE CODPIECE OF DOOM

"So, I go away on vacation and miss all the excitement?"

Sam didn't look up from her workbench, her reply distracted. "What?"

Janet walked further into the lab, setting down the folder she'd brought with her on Sam's desk. "I said, I go away on vacation and miss out on the autopsy of this latest goa'uld." 

Sam finally looked up, setting aside the fine chisel and glass slide she'd been using to collect scrapings off...whatever it was she was working on. "Did you have a good time?"

"As good as it ever gets when dragging a reluctant teen-ager to visit relatives," Janet replied, grinning. "But yeah, it was good to see my sister and Cassie even had a good time. She met this boy--"

Sam laughed. "You don't have to say anymore!" 

"So, tell me about this super goa'uld."

Sam chuckled again, "That's what the Colonel calls it, Super Soldier. And it's not far from the truth, Janet." Sam shook her head, obviously sobered by the thought. "They're almost invincible." She gestured to the object on her workbench. "This is a piece of its armor, I'm trying to figure out the composition."

Janet picked up the concave, black object off the bench, which on further inspection looked like it might have been part of some type of breastplate. It was surprisingly lightweight and she studied it curiously. "This is what it was wearing?"

"Yeah," Sam replied, gesturing toward a box by her feet. "The rest of the armor is in there."

Janet knelt down and rummaged through the box. She'd read the autopsy report and knew the alien had been incredibly large, but looking at the various pieces of armor really brought home just how large it had been. She came across one curiously designed piece....

"Ah, Sam?" Janet stood up, holding the piece of armor in her hands.

"Yeah?" the other woman replied, once more engrossed in scraping the breastplate. 

"I read the autopsy report, Sam."

"Uh huh."

"And there was no way that alien could have filled this."

"What?" Sam finally looked up. "Oh...that," she stuttered and blushed. And then both women started laughing.

"I mean, honestly, Sam! According to the report, the alien had underdeveloped genitalia and no testes—apparently genetically designed to be basically a eunuch." Janet tossed the codpiece onto Sam's workbench. "You can't tell me it needed a codpiece that big."

Sam picked up the piece in question, turning it over and around with her hands. "Well, I suppose it's all part of the 'super soldier' thing." She looked at Janet and grinned. "I mean, who's going to be afraid of a big, bad soldier with a little, er...penis?"

"Yeah, I suppose it's better to look like you're packing twelve inches instead of two!" Janet chortled, taking the codpiece from Sam and holding it in front of her. "Behold! The codpiece of doom!" The comment sent both women into greater paroxysms of laughter. Finally calming down, Janet wiped her eyes, brushing away the tears from her laughter. 

Sam plopped down on her stool, doing the same thing. "You are so bad, Janet," she gasped, more laughter bursting out of her.

Janet chuckled and studied the impressive codpiece again. "You know, Sam..." she paused, giving her friend a sly look. "If a 'large package' is indicative of a super soldier, then which one of our guys would fill this?"

"Janet!" Sam exclaimed, apparently outraged. 

"Come on, Sam, I know you look."

Her friend tried to look innocent but failed. And then she grinned. "You're in a better position to answer that question than I am, Janet."

"Maybe," Janet replied smoothly, but she wasn't going to let Sam off the hook. "What do you think?" She held up the codpiece. "Teal'c?" 

Sam sputtered. "Janet!"

"Or maybe O'Neill?"

Sam turned a brilliant shade of red. "I don't think about my commanding officer that way!"

"Uh huh...right," Janet muttered to herself. "Hammond then."

Both women stared at the codpiece again. Janet had visions of their portly general strutting about in shiny black armor, huge codpiece in place. She looked at Sam; their eyes meeting and then both women burst out laughing.

"Hey, what's up?" Colonel O'Neill stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets, rocking nonchalantly on his heels.

"Ah, just discussing the ah..." Sam looked at Janet, a pleading look on her face.

"Just discussing the physical characteristics of the super goa'uld, sir." Janet replied, striving to keep a straight face, but then she looked over at Sam and both women once more burst into helpless laughter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Mmmm..." Sam murmured softly, still trembling in the aftermath of their lovemaking. Jack groaned, rolling off her and she immediately curled up next to him. His arms closed around her and she sighed again, feeling marvelously relaxed and content. She nuzzled her cheek against his chest; his fingers stroked casually through her hair.

"So," he murmured, "just what were you and Fraiser talking about when I walked into your lab earlier today?"

She smiled, pleasantly sore and satisfied from her lover's more than adequate...package. Raising up, she met his curious brown eyes with her twinkling blue ones. "Oh, nothing you need to worry about." 

THE END


End file.
